Welcome to our Yule Blog for 2023. You can still download and print a PDF copy of the old format and put it in that box under your bed where you keep all your treasures. We're sending fewer paper cards and letters this year because stamps are so expensive and we need to save pennies to buy animal feed...
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Dear Friends
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Once again I am starting to write this year’s Christmas blog post from our boat house in Scotland (well, ours for one week every October provided we pay the owners whom we’ve never met). The weather has been pretty awful, but we dodged the worst of Storm Babet, and stayed cosy whilst watching the rain splash into the loch, so we can’t complain. As an added bonus we bumped into the hot tub maintenance lady who tipped us off that we could switch the power off over night using a special switch under the board walk, as long as we didn’t tell the owners, so I haven’t even been disturbed by the sound of the filter whirring in the night.
"Our" Boathouse
The heat pump we had installed last winter was a great success, so much so that we had another one installed in Edna’s cottage, mainly because we realised that her existing system was using almost as much electricity as our entire house. I’ve also got my first electric car (well my first new car in about 12 years!) which I love. (You wouldn’t expect me to be anything other than scathing about certain politicians who are trying to make green energy the latest front in their manufactured culture wars, but my word, they are total shits aren’t they? Let’s hope that by the time I write next year’s letter they are all out of a job.)
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My greatest achievement this year has been to hit my goal weight in just over twelve months. That means I have lost over 5½ stone (that’s 80 pounds if you are American or 36 kilos if you are a European or a young person). It has made a massive difference to my life in many ways: I feel the cold so much more in the winter for one thing, and due to lack of padding I have managed to bruise the base of my coccyx just from sitting down. I have had to buy almost a complete new wardrobe and have given lots of trousers to the charity shop. Nevertheless I feel so much better for being lighter, and will happily extol the virtues of Slimming World to anybody who is interested. I should probably try to be a cover story in their monthly magazine, but I am obviously far too shy and retiring to seek the limelight.
The low point of 2023 was saying goodbye to Ruby in January. She was nineteen and a half and getting very confused, wandering round the house and bumping into things, almost entirely deaf and blind. In the end Ellie came over and put her to sleep at home, which was incredibly peaceful. I was so proud of Ellie that day, she put aside her own sadness and was utterly calm and professional. So it was the end of an era, and it will be a good while before we consider having another dog, particularly as it will be impossible to find one that can measure up.
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The other animals are all doing fine. I have deleted Buzz’s Facebook page because the constant email notifications were getting rather irritating, but no adverse inferences should be drawn. Current totals stand at two donkeys, four alpacas, four chickens, two rabbits, three cats and we think about six large fish in our pond although we are never quite sure. We are now the proud owners of a proper muck heap with a concrete floor and three breeze block walls, and it makes life much easier. I mean, I thought my days of spending Saturday mornings in the mud and the freezing rain were over when Rob stopped playing rugby, so it was a bit of a shock to the system to have to go and shovel shit in a farmyard last winter.
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There was no repeat of last year’s rat incident, thank goodness, although we did go through a period of being disturbed by baby bats roosting above our bedroom window, now thankfully grown and flown the nest (or at least learnt to be silent). Our rat man remains a regular visitor however. (He declined to be photographed for this blog as he prefers to work in the shadows.)
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Our own grown up babies are all mainly flown the nest too (but not learnt to be silent). Rob is still enjoying life in London, now working for Astra Zeneca doing something neither of us can either comprehend or explain. Giles is working hard as a paramedic and has his hands full with his three children, the eldest of whom is now 16! Phoebe is still completing her dental nurse apprenticeship, and we are really enjoying having her back at home, as well as taking advantage of having somebody around who can manage both livestock and Jill’s mum if we want to escape for a few days.
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Festive Phoebs
Ellie is also working hard as a vet, and is about to buy her first house, in Warrington. She can’t wait to get more space for herself and her two house cats. One of my current projects is to build them an enclosed run (a “catio”) so they can get some outdoor space without roaming. She finally got her long delayed post-Covid graduation ceremony this year, although the official photograph was too dreadful to purchase.
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Unofficial Graduation Photo!
Jillian has just celebrated her sixtieth birthday, which neither of us can really quite believe. She keeps very busy with her animals and her upholstery, not to mention her mum, and has also started a jewellery making course. Usually so on trend, she had a bout of Covid this Autumn, which seemed like a blast from the past, but it has left her feeling pretty battered. Now thankfully she is on the mend. She has also started playing walking netball, which is supposed to be a non-contact sport but can in practice involve serious injury caused by aggressive and overly-competitive pensioners. Sounds like the queue in a garden centre café to me, but Jilly enjoys it.
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Not looking a day over 59!
My other exciting news is that I am starting a new job in January at a different law firm called Freeths. Some colleagues were shocked and distressed on hearing the news, but I understand DLA Piper are going to set up a helpline for anyone affected, not dissimilar to the one set up to comfort young fans when One Direction split up. (Yes, I am the Zayn Malik of DLA Piper). The only real downside is
having to buy myself out of the electric vehicle leasing scheme as well as pay an early termination penalty. I had only had my lovely new car 6 weeks when I gave notice, which was dreadful timing! Still, I am very excited to be having a change, which I think will be good for me. This does also mean a change to my contact details: my personal mobile number is now 07518 293011 and my email address remains stephen@justlikemother.co.uk.
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I should apologise for the usual poor selection of photographs. We just aren’t the sort of people who go through life photographing ourselves, or “making memories” as some people say nowadays (people who need a good slap, that is). When we do remember to take selfies, we always seem to have the same gormless expression. That’s why my Instagram account is so rarely updated, I still prefer to use my words, even though Kylie says we don’t have to.
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Segway Tour of Grenada!
So we are heading into those hectic last few weeks before Christmas. On top of the usual madness I have to find time to go out for farewell drinks with various different groups of colleagues. It’s a hard job, but somebody has to do it. Merry Christmas to all!
Love from Stephen and Jill x x x
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PS. Don’t forget to support your local foodbank, they are needed more than ever and doing great work this Christmas.
Or you can support mine https://newcastlestaffs.foodbank.org.uk/